Internet Warns Mom Not to Lend Savings

Internet Warns Mom Not To Lend ‘Abusive’ Ex Son’s Savings

There are few things that can divide a family as much as money. To research by sociologist Karl Pillemer, disputes over money, wills and inheritance are one of the leading causes of family feuds.

Mumsnet users cautioned a mom against “lending” her ex-partner money from their son’s savings, telling her she’d be “stealing from her own child” in doing so.

Posting to the “Talk” forum on Thursday, user FanFanFanFee asked if she’d be unreasonable to decline her ex’s request. She explained that the money was a Christmas present from the boy’s dad, but that he is largely absent from their son’s life and she manages the child’s savings.

A stock photo of a man yelling at a woman while she looks away from him. Mumsnet users told the woman that she’d be “stealing from her own child” if she gave his savings to her ex.
fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

She wrote: “[My son] has added to it by also saving all of his pocket money, so that he currently has a good amount saved. He has been considering spending some of it recently but so far hasn’t.

“Ex has just texted me asking lots of questions about ds (darling son’s) savings, how much it is, is he saving for anything specific etc.

“He has then said he has received an unexpected utility bill and he has to borrow the money from ds but ds mustn’t know about it. He says he can get the money from his own savings at the end of the month and will then pay ds back.

“He is demanding £150 ($184) tomorrow and says that it is his money because he gave it to ds and ds hasn’t spent it.”

Unsurprisingly, the mom was reluctant to loan her ex the money. She explained that he had been “financially abusive” during their relationship, and she felt uncomfortable taking her son’s money “behind his back.” The man had also proven himself to be unreliable with money in the past, borrowing thousands from her parents that he has yet to pay back.

She continued: “Surely his utility company would be open to waiting until the end of the month for him to pay if he explains that he needs to give that much notice to withdraw the money from his savings account?

“[Am I being unreasonable] to not feel comfortable lending ds money in this way?”

The Allstate Foundation’s most recent poll on domestic violence and financial abuse found that one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

Conducted to further understand the American public’s perception of these issues, 20 percent of those surveyed didn’t view financial abuse—such as hiding money or assets or limiting a partner’s access to funds—as a form of domestic violence, despite it occurring in 99 percent of physical abusive relationships.

Mumsnet users begged the woman not to send her ex the money, especially given his past financial history.

“Why are you even asking? It would be massively unreasonable of you to do it… You and DS would never see the money again,” said LordEmsworth.

“He’s bad with money to the extent he fails to pay back thousands. No chance would I lend him cash,” wrote Dinosaur975326789008643245678899900754543.

“If you give him this money, you are stealing from your own child,” declared Aquamarine1029. “How could you even consider this?”

While NoSquirrels commented: “Oh bloody hell—absolutely do not give him anything. It ceased to be ‘his’ money when he gave it to DS. Don’t entertain this at all.”

And Notanotherwindow wrote: “The phrase that springs to mind is Hell No. Also f*** right off. It’s your DSs savings, he has no right to it. He’s an adult, he can sort his own bills. If you lend him it, you’ll likely not get it repaid.”

FanFanFanFee isn’t the only one to share her family money troubles with the internet. One Mumsnet user was backed online for not including her step-grandchildren in her will, while a teen turned to Reddit for advice after his mom and step-dad stole his inheritance.

Do you have a similar monetary dilemma? Let us know via [email protected]. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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